Five heroes stepped forth to battle the dark forces which threatened to envelop their world. Their noble spirits, their strength of character was the stuff of legend; if they succeeded, songs would be written so that their names would never be forgotten.
These heroes have nothing to do with Illuminati University.
Four people woke up one morning, from different walks of life, from different worlds, from different times; perhaps the only thing they all had in common was that they had recieved a letter. Each opened it, and learned that in seventeen minutes and thirteen seconds (exactly), transportation would arrive that would bring them to IOU – Illuminati University. It came as a surprise, as none knew they would be accepted: none of them had APPLIED to IOU.
After the time was up, a man came to fetch each of them, only to drop them off in a small administrative building where they were to wait in line. There, student assistants made sure they had the proper paperwork and credit rating, then ushered them to another room – slightly more pleasant, a simple waiting area.
In addition to the four previously mentioned (Tracy mcFalen, a budding cop; Mr. Evil, an evil genius in training; Keanu Reeves; and a mysterious gunman named Trevor), a number of other folk were in the room. Some were fellow freshthings: Elune, who had strangely popped in front of them moments before, as well as Sara Grazer (a street punk with a good gun hand), Dean Bowyer and Marius (a hobgoblin later found to be on The Team).
In addition to these were a man in a uniform named Lucas, who turned out to be their tour guide, a green blob the size of a fire hydrant named Sigmund, who turned out to be their RA, and a strange cloaked figure named Glark who immediately faded into the shadows. After a brief meeting – where they discovered that Lucas was incredibly irritating to be around – and a light meal, they were taken on a tour of the campus.
An incredibly bad tour: it did not look like Lucas knew where he was going half the time, and actually skipped some of the more important buildings on campus. A small altercation drew Sigmund and Lucas away from the group for a few moments: each of them were handed a simple stick and told not to drop it.
Elune promptly wandered off and Mr. Evil dropped his stick. Somehow, it drew the attention of – something – which attacked them. After a brief skirmish, Lucas and Sigmund returned to banish the creature, returning it to the depths of Hell. While this went on, Elune found the Applied Theology department and (hopefully accidentally) destroyed a small planet.
Sigmund and Lucas returned and banished the creature, then showed them to their dorms and room assignments. Then they served pizza for the new students. When Keanu Reeves tried a taste of pizza with black holes, he unfortunately perished; he was carted off by campus security and never seen again.