Illuminati University

Session Two: Registration

They had been on campus one full day, and already two had left.  Mr. Evil decided his talents were best used in another setting, and Keanu Reeves found a body bag a bit more comfortable than a bed.  Or, so we think: he was frustratingly quiet on the subject.

After being questioned by campus security about what had happened – and more than a few random accusations of guilt – the students were allowed to go to bed.  When they woke up, two new students had replaced the vacant room (for Keanu Reeves and Mr. Evil were roommates):  Western Robot 23 ('Wes') and a pungent mage by the name of Schrodin.

The new day was very important, for it was the day the entire university had to register for classes.  Supposedly it started at eight, so the players left early to try and figure it out.  Well, first they tried to ask their RA, but apparently Sigmund had already left.  After some finagling – and finally following a Roman legionnaire who seemed to know where he was going – everyone made it to class registration: a giant field covered with tables, which were occupied by campus groups and professors, all with sign-up sheets (and tip jars).

Elune, for her part, simply signed up for as many Theology classes as she could possibly find.  The others took a potentially more practical approach, trying to figure out what classes they might need before signing up for a few.  After successfully putting their names on pieces of paper, the students grew hungry.

Most notably, Tracy McFalen tried to get directions to the cafeteria; he asked Lucas, the tour guide from the day before, how he might get there.  Tracy agreed to sign Lucas' petition – for Lucas was petitioning for equal rights for Zubenelgenubians – for directions, but failed to follow through when he got what he wanted.  Lucas paralyzed him, and tried to get him to sign by unfreezing his hand, but Tracy simply wrote a rude message.

Lucas left him that way.  After fifteen minutes or so, the paralysis wore off, and the disgruntled cop meandered toward the cafeteria to get food.  The others were already there: Wes had found a delicious bounty of batteries, Schrodin some form of raw, rotting flesh that appeased him, and Elune some vegetables and a sesame seed bun (for she found she did not at all like the taste of burgers).  She did not get lettuce, for a rabbit bounded out of the lettuce bin with a plate of the stuff.

Dean managed to find the burger place, and DID end up getting lettuce, much to his dismay – he bit into his burger, only to find rabbit fur in his mouth and on his leafy burger addition.  He tried to leave, conveniently around the same time as the others… when a rocket slammed into the desk with the old woman checking IDs.  Elune had seen the battlesuited teen as he approached, and had in fact been hiding behind that desk, and so was seriously injured.

 Wes devastated the attacking teen, whose beef with the cafeteria involved food poisoning, with a single shot of his blast rifle.  After this, a fair bit of drama ensued: Elune lectured the boy on why he should not shoot things at people and hurt them; Tracy tried, for whatever reason, to pull Elune away from the boy; Wes wanted to hog-tie him; and Schrodin decided that the old lady, presumed dead, would not be missed and dragged her away to his dorm room.

 Elune would not be pulled away, and so Tracy tried to physically grab her and drag her away.  She slipped out of his grasp; he stormed away, only to come back and try to hit the girl with the back of his flashlight.  He missed, and stormed off – this time for good.  The others waited for campus security, which took about an hour, and told the story of what had happened.  Elune made sure that Tracy's misdeeds were reported as well.

 Tracy continued to huff about as he turned a corner around the cafeteria.  There, he saw something which made him even angrier: a small brown rabbit quietly munching on a plate of burger-grade lettuce.  He kicked at it, but did not connect; the bunny proceeded to attack back.  Tracy only escaped with a masterful defense of playing dead, and the dwarf bunny hopped away after making sure he was unconscious.

 And Schrodin devoured the old lunchlady's brain in the privacy of his dorm room; he had not realized she was still alive, and so as Keanu Reeves claimed the dubious honor of first death, he claimed the more distinct honor of first kill.

Session One: Welcome Weekend

Five heroes stepped forth to battle the dark forces which threatened to envelop their world.  Their noble spirits, their strength of character was the stuff of legend; if they succeeded, songs would be written so that their names would never be forgotten.

These heroes have nothing to do with Illuminati University.

Four people woke up one morning, from different walks of life, from different worlds, from different times; perhaps the only thing they all had in common was that they had recieved a letter.  Each opened it, and learned that in seventeen minutes and thirteen seconds (exactly), transportation would arrive that would bring them to IOU – Illuminati University.  It came as a surprise, as none knew they would be accepted: none of them had APPLIED to IOU.

After the time was up, a man came to fetch each of them, only to drop them off in a small administrative building where they were to wait in line.  There, student assistants made sure they had the proper paperwork and credit rating, then ushered them to another room – slightly more pleasant, a simple waiting area.

In addition to the four previously mentioned (Tracy mcFalen, a budding cop; Mr. Evil, an evil genius in training; Keanu Reeves; and a mysterious gunman named Trevor), a number of other folk were in the room.  Some were fellow freshthings: Elune, who had strangely popped in front of them moments before, as well as Sara Grazer (a street punk with a good gun hand), Dean Bowyer and Marius (a hobgoblin later found to be on The Team).

In addition to these were a man in a uniform named Lucas, who turned out to be their tour guide, a green blob the size of a fire hydrant named Sigmund, who turned out to be their RA, and a strange cloaked figure named Glark who immediately faded into the shadows.  After a brief meeting – where they discovered that Lucas was incredibly irritating to be around – and a light meal, they were taken on a tour of the campus.

An incredibly bad tour: it did not look like Lucas knew where he was going half the time, and actually skipped some of the more important buildings on campus.  A small altercation drew Sigmund and Lucas away from the group for a few moments: each of them were handed a simple stick and told not to drop it.

Elune promptly wandered off and Mr. Evil dropped his stick.  Somehow, it drew the attention of – something – which attacked them.  After a brief skirmish, Lucas and Sigmund returned to banish the creature, returning it to the depths of Hell.  While this went on, Elune found the Applied Theology department and (hopefully accidentally) destroyed a small planet.

Sigmund and Lucas returned and banished the creature, then showed them to their dorms and room assignments.  Then they served pizza for the new students.  When Keanu Reeves tried a taste of pizza with black holes, he unfortunately perished; he was carted off by campus security and never seen again.


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